“What is the most pointless advice that women are given?” This is a question I was asked in an interview at a stop on a Book Blog Tour for Lady and the Tribe. Immediately my mind came to “the trust factor”, which is an essential element of building meaningful friendships and a Tribe. As I did my research and interviews on friendship, I heard over and over again things like “I just don’t trust other women,” or “I have more guy friends than girlfriends.” I even heard women say that they would much rather work for a man than a woman! What? That really hurt my heart. This mantra is not so much “advice,” but rather bad programming. Women are born natural collaborators. We are nurturing, caring, and giving of ourselves… sometimes to a fault! So how did this happen? When did we turn on each other? I suspect that this shift began during the women’s movement. Please do not gasp and throw stones at me just yet because of this statement. The women’s movement was an especially important effort for much needed change in the work environment. We are grateful for the efforts of the strong amazing women leaders that forged a path for equitable pay and opportunity. In 1776, we as a nation declared that all men are created equal, endowed with inalienable rights, while women were left marginalized to fight for equal treatment. The History, Art & Archives page on the US House of Representatives site reports that the fight for women’s suffrage in the United States began in 1917 with the women’s rights movement. This reform effort encompassed a broad spectrum of goals before its leaders decided to focus first on securing the vote for women. Women continued to fight for equal rights, most significantly in the 1960s, when women fought not only the laws and stereotypes that limited a woman's role in society. This is all good stuff! However, where we veered off course as a gender is trying to
compete like men do in a man’s world. First of all, the notion that we must hold others back so that we may succeed is an absurd practice. Men see this competition as a somewhat friendly game and they can “leave it on the court.” For many women it goes against our nature, it hurts, and we carry it with us. It is only natural that we recognize this behavior as a betrayal because it is not who we are. We can do better ladies. It will take a shift in our thinking and go against conforming to the man’s world in business practices. We can build on the heroic efforts of the women’s movement and make the work environment our own. This revolution will transfer from our work lives and enhance our personal relationships with each other. We can succeed and be notably more productive when we decide to return to our collaborative natures and lift each other up. We often share the same hopes, dreams and goals and there is enough for everyone. There really is no contest. When three or more Gather, We are Tribe
All my love,
Brenda
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